Great Depression

i have no idea why. i am feeling SUPER down. so down that i just want to hibernate and do nothing. i am in one of those moods again. i have only negative feelings. nothing is cheering me up. not even my Spain trip. perhaps the only thing that can cheer me up is that i won 1 million dollars in a lottery and i can quit and travel around the world. or to be more realistic, i found a better job.

i didnt know a person can change so much in my life, in the way i look at myself, my job, my life. i didnt know a person can have such a huge effect on me that i basically went from one end to the other. i didnt know that one person can let me see how good i am. i didnt know that one person can make me hate my job so much that i find my job a chore. there's a lot of things i didnt know until now.

i know change is the only constant. i know i should embrace changes. i know all these and i know this is how i should be. i remembered that in london, my friend's mum did tarot card reading for me and said that there will be a change in my career this year and i am dreading that change but i will embrace it. well, the first half is right. second half, i dont see it happening. i dont like the change. i disagree with the change. this change makes me realize how much i hate my job and company. i need a new job. DESPERATELY and NOW.

why? why would a person promote another just because that dude is kinda cute, carries her shopping bags and possibly gave her orgasm. this is so not right. shouldnt we be rewarded based on our competencies and merits. fine maybe the dude's competencies and merits is that he's willing to be a dog. then get a dog. a dog is much better. i wish im a dog. a dog doesnt have to worry about such lame stuffs. i dont have to worry about me being underpaid. i dont have to worry about people complaining about lame stuffs to me and expect me to do something about it.

oh well, i guess life is unfair. i dont even know why i wrote this. dont worry. this is not my will. i am not committing suicide. im too gutless to do that.