Zen Katha

zen katha - a play about the founder of ZEN... it's a play by the indians...the producer, writer, actors..all hail from indian...and apparently they were very famous...but to me they are strangers...strangers whom i will not take a second look at all...*laughs*

anyway....caught this play last evening at the victoria concert hall...uncle's business people had free tickets and he brought me along...*grins* was kinda happy because the guy who provided the tickets is the same guy who provided the diana krall's tickets and from my memory....he's ATTRACTIVE!!! *laughs* so was kinda excited that am going to see him again!!!

actually, there were some light refreshments and drinks served at indochine before the play..but because uncle and i had hor fun ( mmm..it seemed kinda duhz to have hor fun...but my uncle is a very chinese man...he LOVES chinese food...i could remember when i went to the states with him 5 years agao..we ALWAYS had chinese food... ) for dinner and so we decided to give that a miss...*sighz* missed my chance to see the cute guy...but anyhow..it's alright...dont really feel comfy with all those high-flying people..who are earning millions in minutes..while me will most probably earn millions in my dreams...*laughs*

so we headed straight to victorial concert hall and upon arriving...for a moment i thought i have reached INDIA!! *laughs* yes...the place is infiltrated with indians...all kinds of indians..the white ones, the black ones, the old ones, the young ones, the hip ones, the traditional ones, the smart-looking ones, the ugly-looking ones....lucky no smell..if not i think i will faint....*laughs* and my uncle was commenting..." wah..these indians really support their own people ah...interesting!! "

anyway, the tickets were rather premium..and we were seated at the 7th row from the stage..and in the center..not too bad...and was just looking around while waiting for the play to start and suddenly...my ATTRACTIVE guy appeared and my heart skipped a beat (as if!) *laughs* but somehow, he's not that cute anymore...maybe previously i saw him in balaclava where it was darker...*laughs* but anyhow...he's got a nice build..the height and build is simply PERFECT for me...plus his career and charisma....PERFECT!! and guess what? his seat is next to me!! *laughs* so for the 105 mins, i was sitted beside my ATTRACTIVE guy!! tried to take a picture of him with my phone but failed...*laughs*

anyway, my uncle and him chatted a bit...and when he saw me..he said..."hey..nice to meet you AGAIN"...he used the word "AGAIN" ....does it mean he remember me? *laughs laughs laughs* he ACTUALLY remember me??? *laughs laughs laughs* or was it just a slip of tongue? but how often do people slip in such manner? not very often right....so i'm right....HE REMEMBERS ME!! *grins grins grins* wanted very much to chat up with him..but with uncle beside me..kinda hard right..and my uncle kept telling me that he's a playboy and he leads an unhealthy lifestyle...aiyoh...i'm NOT (although i dont mind ) marrying him sia...but i seriously dont mind being one of his flings...*laughs*

ooh...about the play....if you asked me..i dont really like it...the indian accent is so damn bloody strong and they were talking so damn bloody fast that i have difficulties understanding them...and the sound system seemed faulty as there were some parts where it didnt sound audible at all...as for the play...i must say i was not intrigued by it...there seemed to be breakages and the story didnt seemed to flow...the costumes were not nice...the props were kinda lousy..the music not too bad...the actors and actresses looked alike...*laughs* if this was done by our local people...i think it would be fucking good...i must say...our local theatre talents are damn fucking talented....watched several of their plays and all were good...amazing..fantastic!!! there were many scenes where i couldnt catch what the actors were saying..and so i just watched the meagre props and actions they had...and the jokes were kinda lame and inaudible....

but i did learn something from this play....i learnt why monks greet each other with only their right hand in front of them...it's because...there's this monk...who very much wants to learn from the zen master...but the zen master refused to see him (which i dont know why) and so told him that he would see him the moment they snow turned red (which i thought was rather lame)..and so in order to turn the snow red..this monk chopped off his left hand and used his blood to turn the snow red (which i thought was damn stupid..can use chicken, pig, duck blood right? chop off own hand...stupid man)..and because of this, the master of zen was very touched and thus he set the rule that they shall greet each other with only the right hand (quite bullshitty if you ask me)...actually i seriously wonder if ths is true...but anyhow..thought this was the most interesting thing about the play....*laughs*

sick!

i am so damn bloody sick...i am not suffering from any illness...unless one considered the "OC Withdrawal Disease" an illness...*laughs* anyway...i am basically sick of my work...sick of the people i am working FOR..not WITH...it's so fucking sickening to work under people you hate..or rather DETEST is a better word...

my first thought was not very good ....i must admit i did not have a good impression of her initially..becuase i thought she reminds me of my econs teacher (laughs) and she seemed very auntie and all...but then after a while...i had second thoughts...she seeemd to be quite alright...knowing what she's doing and all...now am having my third thoughts...SHE SUCKS! put it simply...she's horrible..she damn bloody bochup...whenver i ask her for some directions or guidance..she will smoke her way through and no conclusion made...what the fuck loh...i mean if i have the decision making power and all..i would not have to ask for her fucking opinion or decision right? then if anything goes wrong...whose fault?? who else?? ME!! frankly speaking...this is the 1st time i felt lost...lost as in i have no bloody idea what is going on but yet i have to do all the fucking rubbish...

then this stupid bitch has to pair me up with the useless auntie...this is like the million times i have to complain about this useless auntie...even had 2 entries "dedicated" to her...fucking hell...*laughs* but seriously speaking....this auntie has NO value-add to anything at all..what does she do all day long? whenver i look for her..she's either....(1) on the phone or (2) never at her desk...where the hell is she? gossiping with some other people....so why in the world did the management keep this kind of parasite? i have been very "nice" to her already...for the task that i have been assigned to do with her..i did all the work and let her wayang in front of boss...because i simply CANNOT BE BOTHERED anymore...

because this task has to do with some human resource management and so it involves the HR person...and this useless HR person..is forever bugging me for information....PUH-LEESE...as a HR person..shouldnt she have a list of who's who in the team?shouldnt she know who's who in the team? this is HR job...but this fucking HR person has no bloody view of that AT ALL...so what has she been doing? no value-add again but management still want to keep her...think management has a liking for parasite...*mutter mutter* but in Hong Kong, it's a different story...when i told my counterpart about the HR plan and all..she went to talk to the HR person and that lady agreed with the plan and even offered to take a lead in this exercise!! this is WHAT a HR person should do, isnt it? bloody useless HR person...

and again because i have agreed to the useless boss that i would like to take up new challenges and thus she assigned me this resource management task..and this other person simply announced to the whole fucking world that I will be the focal point and all...okay..that's fine with me..but no one seemed to have any fucking idea what is going on....and no one seemed to care...was supposed to do some reporting to country and everyone went to the briefing and asked relevant questions..but it came to the actual manual work of the reporting...NO ONE seemed to be doing it..so i took the initiative and asked the useless boss: AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS? and useless boss replied: AM STILL CLARIFYING...okay fine...shall wait..but no reply from her...so i again took the initiative to fill up the template with whatever info i have and gave it to her: BOSS, I HAVE DONE MY BEST TO FILL UP WHATEVER I CAN...DO YOU NEED TO GET SOMEONE TO VERIFY BEFORE I SUBMIT? NOT SURE IF IT'S FILLED UP CORRECTLY...and useless boss can say: IF IT'S FROM XXXX, THEN IT SHOULD BE ALRIGHT.... what the hell does she mean? see...she doesnt even care...so if she doesnt care...why should i? and so i submitted and now they came back with problems and questions which no one has any bloody idea..and who's got to recitfy it? ME!! bloody hell...

seriously..this is getting too much to handle for me...i dont mind doing more work or not getting any proper training for new tasks..but the least these managers could do is to provide some simple guidance or direction...at least tell me what the fuck they want and all....this is really bad....damn fucking bad....

Dear almighty God, please help me to get out of this living hell...AMEN!!

the OC withdrawal disease...

my favorite show - THE OC has just ended...season 2 has just ended on 22 Sep 05...now i have one less show to watch....*sighz* really hope to catch season 3 really soon...i'm such a BIG OC fan that i think i have contracted the OC withdrawal disease..*laughs*

therefore, i will try to create my own - THE SG...*laughs* let me see if i can "cast" the people around me into this "new drama" to "cure" my OC withdrawal symptons...

From Bottom to Top: Seth (Adam Brody), Summer (Rachel Bilson), Sandy (Peter Gallagher), Marissa (Mischa Burton), Jimmy (Tate Donovan) , Julie (Melinda Clarke), Ryan (Benjamin Mckenzie), Caleb (Alan Dale) and Kirsten (Kelly Rowan).

Seth -think my brother can fit the bill...although Seth is tall and lean..and my brother is not so tall and not so lean..but both of them loves comic!! *laughs* think my brother really the girlfriend and so do Seth...

Summer - this has to go to my brother's girlfriend...although they have nothing in common...*laughs* ok ok..both of them are nice and cute..and loves their boyfriends! *laughs*

Ryan - because i think i am going to be Marissa because i LOVE ryan...so this person is TBD...*laughs* havent found a suitable guy for myself yet...hopefully this person can come soon and hopefully he's as juicy as ryan...*dreaming*

Marrisa - ME, MYSELF and I!! hahaha..the main reason i want to be her is because of RYAN...i love ryan..he's so charming...so cute..although seemed a little short and bulky..but i like..his eyes are so damn piercing..his smile is cute..his hair is perfect..and all...*sighz* anyway....Marissa got a tattoo and so do i!! *laughs* although she's pretty and slim and i'm so totally opposite..i dont care!!! *laughs*

Sandy - this will be my dark lover...actually my dark lover is NOTHING like sandy..sandy is cool and matured..always in control..my dark lover like totally opposite..but because sandy loved the wife very much and so does my dark lover...and so...hahahahahaha!!!

Kirsten - no choice...but to give this to my dark lover's wife..although i think kirsten is smart and pretty....but the wife like...eh..shall not comment...*laughs* but because kirsten loves sandy and the wife loves dark lover...and so....hahahahahahahaha!!! bo bian....

Caleb - mmm..this is kinda hard to find...because caleb doesnt really matter to me...*laughs* although he's kinda selfish at times..but yet alright at times...then he like very "dark"..always got spies here and there...mmm...i think mr mun shall be the one...*laughs* because mr mun always seemed to have secrets...

Jimmy - "my dad"...mmm..must get a handsome one...*laughs* no one around me seemed to fit him...a fatherly figure....mmm...think maybe can get mr liew...because he's very fatherly!! yes yes...and he and jimmy same..always running away...*laughs*

Julie - the perfect person would be "cellulite"...*laughs* always ever so materialistic and always so full of herself....but of course..Julie is MUCH prettier and her tummy is smaller...*laughs* mmm..come to think of it..this is so damn apt...both Julie and "cellulite" seemed to be horrible women but they can be nice ladies too....wonder if "cellulite" has a porn tape with some ah bengs...*laughs*

not bad not bad...can actually form THE SG...just imagine...with THE OC...the opening music is..."de de de de de....de de de de de.... de de de de de de de...CALIFORNIA" and THE SG will have...."de de de de de de de de.....MARI KITA RAHYAK SINGAPURA"...*laughs*

think my OC withdrawal disease is getting worse....

things i have to learn...

there are many things to learn in life....life is like a learning process...in every phase of our life, we are learning something about the things around us, about the people around us, about who we really are...24 years of learning...i think i have learnt several important and useful lessons....but there are also many things in life i've yet to learnt...

i think i have to learn to accept changes more quickly...not that i am not flexible...but i think i have to learn to accept changes in a shorter span of time...the transition period has to be shorter...think am taking too long to get over certain changes...some changes i can accept and adapt myself rather easily and quickly, some will take a longer time...but i HAVE to learn to accept and adapt to ALL changes in the shortest time possible....yes, very important thing to learn at this moment...

after learning how to accept changes, i think the next step i have to learn is to let go...letting go is never easy..especially if it's something you have been holding on dearly for ages...however, am not sure what i have to let go...*laughs* but i guess i have to learn to do that....maybe it's not required at this moment..but in times to come..i think this should be useful...*laughs* maybe it's time to let go of some issues that have always been hidden deep within me...i think i am someone who can forgive and cannot forget...*sighz* as in..if someone actually has offend me or has hurt me...although i may have seemed alright..but deep deep down inside..i will ALWAYS REMEMBER what wrong that person has done to me...this is bad...must learn to let go...life's too short to harp on such things....

mmm....i must learn to curb my spending...every month i seemed to be in deficit...if this continues, my economy will sink into depression which is very bad....although i keep track of what i spend every month..but i realize i am still spending a lot....*laughs* every month, i will buy tons and tons of things...clothes, shoes, bags, whatever whatever.....this is bad...very very bad...seriously speaking..i dont know why my money is always not enough....how i wish i have unlimited funds...*sighz* anyone kind enough to donate $$$ to me? for $5 dollars donation, please call9739 3XXX... for $10 dollars donation, please call 97593XXX...for $50 donation, please call 9759 3XXX...*laughs* please drop me a comment if you are REALLY donating and i will give you the full number....no worries, i have no golden tap and i do not travel on 1st class...

i must also learn to impress people....i think i always give people the "crazy" impression...seriously speaking..i can be rather sensible and all..but i dont know why...EVERYONE just deemed me as crazy...but anyhow, i must NOT give my future employers this kind of impression..i have to tell my future employers that i am the 3 "D"s - driven, dynamic and dedicated!! *laughs* in order to climb up the corporate ladder, i have to do what a woman's got to do....mmmm..maybe i should slim down, doll myself up and flirt / sleep my way up??!!! NO WAY!!! joking joking..i am not a whore okay....but anyhow, i think it's time for me to be more aggressive...to really carve my career path...yesh yesh yesh...

color pencils...

i couldnt believe it myself...this is what i bought over the weekend...*laughs* i spent a hefty sum of 128 dollars on these items....*sighz* got to eat air already....no money to even eat grass....*laughs* for people who knows me...I NEVER PUT ON MAKE-UP!!!



went shopping with a good friend....our aim was to buy cosmetics...because i never had any at all....although i have started working 2 years..i have NEVER put colors on my face..because (1) i have no idea how to and (2) i am plain lazy...although i spent $$$ on these....i got a very very strong feeling...these will last me for a few years...as (1) i still have no idea how to and (2) i am still plain lazy....hahahahaha...

actually, didnt intend to buy this brand...was just thinking of buying some cheapo brand...because i'm just a beginner..but somehow...as me and friend walked along....just decided anna sui is the brand....as i love the case....so damn bloody glamourous...

maybe i should just color my face on one of these days and go to work and shocked my colleagues!! *laughs* that would be a good way to make the monday blues go away....*grins*

by the way, when the salesgirl colored my face, my friend was very excited...she kept saying "nice nice, cute cute, i like i like"...but to me...it's not exactly that nice and that cute sia...but in the end..i still buy the color pencils...*laughs*

but the salesgirl quite nice....*grins* she's very young...and she helped to give me advice and all...and she thought i look like a doll...hahahaha...but actually horz...i think i look more like chucky's bride!! *laughs* i think my complexion is so sucky and no amount of coloring can help sia...but i reckon that's normal...*winks*

let's see when i will actually color my face..maybe i can post "before" and "after" pictures....oh my god...i think i am getting more and more girly and vain...tsk tsk...losing myself...

people...

think i have posted a similiar entry...think the title is called "human beings"...suddenly my inspirations for human beings are here again...

person#1
age: 20 (very young right...jealous)
sex: female
this little girl is from my office..she's very young...a fresh graduate from poly...she is a clown...*laughs* no offence to her...but indeed she's one hilarious girl...at times...she dresses like a clown...you can see her wearing black tops, green skirt and pink shoes...*laughs* then her bags would be totally out as well....then this little girl is running on 128mb only...she's damn slow...her server is always not responding...she always have to take extra time and effort to understand what the rest of us are talking about...*laughs* at times..i really wonder...IS SHE REALLY THAT SLOW? or IS SHE ACTING CUTE? anyhow, am giving her the benefit of doubt....she's also very nice girl...always helping others...and then when witches bully her..she will complain and then after a while...she still does what witches tell her to...*sighz* given such situation of course witches will bully her right...tsk tsk...also, she's kinda blur as well.....this is kinda linked to her slowness..which again i wonder...IS SHE REALLY THAT BLUR? or IS SHE ACTING CUTE AGAIN? *laughs* anyway...am still giving her the benefit of doubt..as she's a nice girl....*smilez*

person #2
age: 24 (same age as me...)
sex: female
this is an old friend of mine....knew her since secondary school..but not quite close...anyway...she recently just changed job....lucky her...good company...and she was telling me she had some "shocks" that she had...she said she's shocked that some of her colleagues are social smoker!!! when she told me this..i was shocked as well...*laughs* mmm...what's so shocking? i really wonder..then she was telling me she had culture shock..she's shocked that her new office is lacking the humane touch...she sprained her ankle and she's shocked or rather sad that NO ONE in her office offered to buy lunch for her...OH MY GOD!!! is she hailing from outer space? seriously speaking..i was shocked to think that she had such shocks...i mean basically, i thought these are VERY COMMON..pardon my rudeness but i seriously felt that she's being so naive and all...*laughs* was getting slightly exasperated when she told me these via msn..almost wanted to "strangle" her...*laughs*

person #3
age: 30s (dont really know her age as she refused to tell)
sex: female
she's from my office as well....working in another team...am princess mel's best friend...if you asked me..i think she's rather auntie...always nagging at the other team members...nagging at other people...WHY YOU COUGH UNTIL LIKE THAT AND NOT CONSULT A DOCTOER? WHY YOU DONT REBOND YOUR HAIR? kaoz...why so kay-poh? mother hen ah? then she's always acting like she knows EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING IN THE WORLD....but according to princess mel..she does know..but then again...she's princess mel's best friend..so i reckon she might side her slightly..but anyhow...i realize that if a topic is brought up during lunch..she will always have comments, stories or whatsoever..maybe she's really MS-KNOW-ALL...*shrugs* but i think she's very "gan"..like she's always scheming against everyone all the time...just a feeling that she's not that simple...but not that i really care..but somehow...never mind...shall just keep a safe distance away from her....since she's so "gan" cannot afford to "offend" her....but then again..as if i really give a fuck...*laughs*

person #4

age: not sure....*laughs*

sex: female

this is a new-found friend....she's a friend's friend...got to know her this year...we were the friend's "sister gang"...anyway...we started to email each other during office hours to kill our time...although we are not exactly that free...but our conversation got very interesting...we were practically talking about every single fucking thing under the sun...which is very cool...and she's one very interesting lady..i must say...i thought she's too independent...or rather..she used the word "complicated" on herself...somehow, when she tells me stories about her and hubby..i find that she's like the man - strong and chauvinistic...while the hubby also another man - stubborn but sensitive...*laughs* gay relationship? *laughs* it's like there are certain things which i thought she's rather "hurting" towards her hubby but to her...she doenst really give a damn...*shrugs* but she's a very very nice friend to talk to..we always talk "dirty" and exchange juicy information...*laughs* and she's always very encouraging towards me...*laughs* she's ALWAYS reassuring that i am pretty!!! and she said i look like a korean!! *grins* and she's always complimenting me....so paiseh..but i thought she sounds sincere..hahaha..and yeah..i'm on cloud 9 after hearing all that....*laughs*

mmm...cannot think of anyone else to comment....looking back...these 4 are all females...mmm....why? am i more critical towards the same species because i tend to judge them more as i myself am a girl? MAYBE..or am i not meeting enough guys? I THINK SO...*sob sob* or am i jealous of them? DONT THINK SO LOH...

actually i am always criticizing others..i think it's time to reflect on myself....WHAT KIND OF PERSON AM I?

WHO AM I?????

it's a baby girl...

attended a wedding in December 2004...flew all the way to the Phillipines with some friends to attend an ex-colleague's wedding...actually i would rather regard him as a friend...in fact he's like a daddy to me..always taking care of me..always there for me....ever so nice and fuddy....*laughs* PAPA CARL is what i call him...not that he's a pastor or reverend...but just that i would love to have a daddy like him...*laughs*

anyway...after the wedding he went to new zealand for honeymoon...or was it canada? anyway..it doesnt really matter....*laughs* he went on a 1 month honeymoon trip....so envious....and he came back with good news..his wifey is pregnant!! *laughs* very efficient sia....and maybe he didnt practice birth control as heard that it's not encouraged among the catholics...*grins*

well..recently another good news...a baby girl was born....not sure when...but only know it's recently..*laughs* the baby girl has such a nice name...very princessy...very girly...ANDREA NICOLE UY...so nice and sweet right....think she will grow up to be very pretty and lovable...

pervert - help!

since jc 1...i've always had this pervert calling me...how i get to acquaint myself with this pervert is kinda silly...

it was a normal day..i was just lazing around..and then my brother said there's a call for me..picking up the phone, i thought i heard a familiar voice..and so i chatted with him..assuming that he's my friend...after a few minutes of so..he started to ask very personal and sexual questions..and then i "woke up"...
me: eh...why you ask such questions? are you xxx?
pervert: sorry...i am not your friend...but i would like to be your friend
me: huh? how did you get my number and my name?
pervet: i dont know your name..i just tried my luck..dialed a number and ask for the sister..i was lucky
*bish* what the fuck...like that also can...

anyway..this is just the beginning...after that he keeps calling me!! and he ALWAYS ask very personal and sexual questions like: ARE YOU A VIRGIN? DO YOU MASTURBATE? DO YOU HAVE ORGASMS? HOW DO YOU SATISFY YOURSELF WHEN YOU HAVE THE NEED...and i always have the standard answers to his questions: (a) NO (b) NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS (c) NOT TELLING YOU (d) ALL OF THE ABOVE! it's really really irritating...he always asking the same questions...every phone call that he made to me..he will ask the same questions....which part of (a), (b), (c) and (d) does he not understand?

and this pervert...always think telling me that he's willing to pay if i'm willing to "service" him...what he meant was...go out with him, exchanged kisses, pet, etc etc..and he always promised that if i am not comfortable..there would be no sex...but in the first place...i am NOT EVEN COMFORTABLE TALKING TO HIM!! every phonecall that we had...i am ALWAYS hostile and rude...not displaying any interests...am always doing something..and phone is always running low battery...in order to stop talking to him...and to his offers..i would always give the same answer: NEVER! but no matter many times i have to repreat my self..this fucking idiot will always offer me the same deal..telling me he's willing to pay more..telling me i'm very cool and he really wants me...WHAT THE FUCK!! makes me puke!! he even offered to sponsor a trip to hong kong for me on my birthday....BUT i am not a prostitute!!!

all along...i never knew his name..didnt bother to find out or remember...and he had been telling me that his girlfriend is an air stewardess..which is why he was able to find other partners..and that he's rather handsome..*puke* recently, suddenly he told me..he's actually married with 1 kid!! but because after giving birth to the child, his wife was too weak to have sex with him and because he's a horny bastard..he had to look for other sex partners...what the fuck...he expect me to believe him...3 words - WAIT LONG LONG!! i told him..if he's really so horny..go geylang..there are plenty to choose from and they are all experienced...*laughs* and he told me some rubbish about protecting the family or whatsoever crap...BULLSHIT!!

however, there's one funny incident...there was this time..i was ironing my uniform...and this bastard called..and he said..he's feeling damn horny and all and wanted to meet me and all...and as usual..i gave the standard answers..*yawn* and he suggested PHONE SEX...and i gave the standard answers again..*yawn* but he ignored that and started the process...so he was trying to sound sexy and husky and trying to make me high and all..while i was ironing my uniform...OBVIOUSLY i was paying attention...occasionally i went..."hmmm" to indicate my presence..but in actual fact the phone was on the table while i happily iron my clothes..*laughs* after 5 mins or so..i just hung up the phone...*laughs* and he obviously called back and i said this: sorry, my mum's home and my cordless phone has went dead...so cant talk..bye! *laughs* and to think that he ACTUALLY wanted to pay me for this "service" that i had provided..which i declined..although my friend said..i should have given him my bank account and earn easy bucks by making silly noises..but i dont feel comfy about it...*shrugs*

recently, he had been calling and pestering me to meet him...i am getting very very irritated..have been very very rude to him...telling him to stop dreaming and saying all the bad things to him..but somehow, he persisted and insisted....CAN ANYONE HELP ME TO GET RID OF HIM?

the piano exam

finally went for my piano exam...my scheduled time is 145pm and the venue is a music school at katong mall...i woke up at around 10am...was contemplating if i should go for a swim before going...thought of relaxing by the pool...in the end..i decided to practice one last time instead of the swim...*laughs*

anyway, my teacher told me there isnt a need to wear formal...and so i decided to wear something comfortable...i ended up in jeans...*laughs* wanted to wear pants and shirt...but i dont wanna wear heels as that would be difficult for me to press the pedal...and i couldnt take off my shoes..and so i ended up in a blouse and jeans!!!

anyway, took a cab to the destination...as was too lazy to take the bus....so i reached there around 115pm...no one was around...the situation was rather tense...suddenly the steward appeared...she's an old lady..actually not old..but look like a granny to me...*laughs* she's rather chatty and quite nice...talked to me and tried to calm me down...but as the minutes ticked by...it's getting harder and harder for me to be relaxed and all...

finally, it's time to go in...there's 2 examiners...one is called Peter XXX and the other Ian XXX...*laughs* couldnt really catch their names...very nice gentlemen...very approachable...asked me to make myself comfortable...and in my mind i was like..."how to?unless you let me pass the exams without me doing anything!!" *laughs* anyway...went to the grand piano and played for them...basically, i thought i did alright..becuase i didnt make much mistakes...only a few here and there...and i tried to put in feelings and style to my playing..but i think still fail....*laughs*

after the "performing"...i had to have a "little chat" with the examiners...basically on the 4 pieces that i played...throughout the converstaion..the only conclusion i could made was: I HAVE FUCKING GOOD BULLSHITTING SKILLS... *laughs* i was basically bullshitting whatever they asked me....and among all my bullshit..i think here's the classic:

examiner: why do you think Mozart compsed such variations?

me: for fun?

examiner: *laughs* well..he could be watching soccer and composed the variation but any other reasons for composing variation?

me: basically, Mozart wrote this variation for his admiration for Duport...and he sort of like played with the notes and all for this variation as this variation is not very typical of him..which is why i said he composed this variation for fun...

*laughs* told you my bullshitting skills are fucking good!! am so proud of myself...

all in all, i thought i did alright for the exams...hopefully i can pass...so must pray a lot and keep my fingers cross till they are fractured!!! *laughs* by the way, a lot of people wished me good luck...so touched....THANK YOU EVERYONE!!! even the most unlikely person messaged me to wish me luck!! and my student actually called me and said..." teacher hannah, good luck for your exam!" wah....touched sia....but all in all..i think GOD helped me the most!!! *smilez*

piano exam

the date has been set....6th September 2005 is my doom day...this is the day when i will take my diploma in piano performance exam...seriously speaking..i really wonder why did i choose to take this exam...because (1) i am NOT going to be a performer and (2) i am SO FUCKING bad at the piano....*laughs* but anyhow, i have paid 450 bucks for the exams and so i will have to give it a shot...

anyway...the whole format of the exam is something like this: i will have to play 4 pieces - one from each period...and then i will have a sight-reading which is a grade 6 piece of music and viva voce...where the 2 examiners will talk to me about the 4 pieces that i have performed..all these will take 1 hour plus....kaoz....i paid so much to undergo so much stress....rather ironic right?

here's what i will be performing:

2 Sonatas in A - Domenico Scarlatti (1685 – 1757)

this is a piece from the baroque period...the 17th centery...not a difficult piece..am quite confident of this piece but hopefully i wont screw up by playing the wrong notes or whatsoever... this will be the very 1st music that i will be playing for the examiners..so must leave good impression...

10 Variations on a Minuet by Duport - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756 – 1791)

from the classical period...the 18th century...quite a melodious piece of music...but many running notes...and under exam circumstances...i will surely FAIL to play the running notes accurately...sighz...but never mind..hopefully i can smoke my way through..which i think is rather difficult....*laughs*

Impromptu in G-flat - Franz Schubert

my least prepared piece..because i only learnt this music for a few months....am really lousy with music from the romantic perios...the 19th century..am not musical enough to bring out the music and all...no feelings...the only feeling i got for this music is DIFFICULT...*laughs* so i protrayed that feeling and style and my teacher told me it's wrong....but how? cannot means cannot lah....sighz...

6 Dances in Bulgarian Rhythm from “Mikrokosmos” - Bela Bartok (1881 – 1945)

this is the so-called modern music...from the 20th century...very erratic playing..no melody...tons of banging...till my hands and arms ache...guess i am really lousy...if wrong notes are played..never mind..becuase the music sounded disonance...*laughs* i likee....but got to play damn fast..and must flip pages...if fail to do that...music will break down..then i die....sighz...

for this exam....i took 3 days leave to prepare....and i practice like almost 5 hours daily...actually this i not enough...but according to my standard..i have played more than what i normally played...but i still think my performance sucks...like what my teacher always comment: NO STYLE, NO FEELINGS aiyah..i tried my best already..i am not a born performer....i cannot perform..will have stage fright sia...and tomorrow's exam is literally on a stage..in a recital hall on the grand piano....actually having dilemna now....WHAT SHALL I WEAR TOMORROW?? *laughs*

anyway, i need tons of praying to help me....but i still think that i am going to fail this exam....as i think i am not a performer....sighz...quite stupid of me to pay the Associated Board of Royal School of Music to fly in 2 British to fail me....*laughs*

well..may the Lord Almighty bless me....wish me good luck people...

superstar winner sucks big time...

the winner of the 2005 project superstar has just emerged...and the winner is the blind man!!!! fucking hell if you ask me...i hated the blind man...okay..maybe "hate" is too strong...i simply dont think the blind man is a superstar!!! how the fuck did he win??

actually i have NEVER watched a single episode of this project superstar...because (1) i do not really listen to chinese pop and hence wouldnt know what songs they were singing and (2) the timings simply dont suit my schedule...*laughs* but since tonight was the finale....i have decided to jump onto the bandwagon and watched it...*grins*

basically, i thought the girl was better....her name is kelly...apparently she's an air stewardess with Singapore Airlines...and come to think of it...she has that singapore girl look...*laughs* HOWEVER, this is not a compliment neither is it an insult...her voice is alright..quite nice...but she has very good stage presence...in mandarin is called "tai (2) feng(1) "...her voice may not be fantastic but she's entertaining...

as for the blind man...his name is kelvin...apparently he's blind...not sure if it's both eyes or 1 eye..and apparently he's an undergrad from NUS...and apparently he performed along the streets of orchard road...anyway i dont think he has a nice voice..his voice is better than average but definitely NOT fantastic...and one thing for sure...he's NOT a superstar...his performances are so fucking boring...he never look at the camera, has this weird look on his face..which i think is fucking irritating...okay okay..i know it's not his fault and all..but i think it's simply nauseating to look at him onscreen...i think i am fucking mean but i still must say....he's NOT a superstar..if he really wants to sing...be like the cartoon man (think his name is ow de yang)...nice and soothing face with a cartoon character...

actually can imagine the chinese newspaper will have many comments on the winner...and i guess this will be the one they will harp on: if the blind man loses, he will not have any more chances....as for kelly, she will have tons...reminds me of taufik and sly...actually i think they have the blind society of singapore to vote for him..my uncle actually place a bet that kelly will win...my mum keep muttering to herself why the blind can win...my auntie was irritated that the blind won...*laughs*

actually i think JJ is the best!!! i thought the judges look cool tonight except for the lady judge...*laughs*

my botak

recently found a slight motivation to go to work ...*laughs* a very very very very minute motivation...and it's not due to monetary issue...neither is it a responsibility issue...nothing has changed for me with regards to job scope and pay....which is fucking sad...*sighz* anyway, my motivation is....A BOTAK!!! *laughs*

there's this botak in my office...an australian...he's in some reporting department..or rather he's like the reporting manager...an excel guru...he's not the tall, dark, handsome, young chap that most girls would fall in love with...although he's really tall, he's not dark, handsome or young...i will not say that he's handsome...but he's really charming...and he's old...40 years old...asked him about his age..and this was what he told me....*smilez*

he's really a very very very very nice and sweet guy....never have i met such a good-tempered guy...he's forever nice....we dont really have much working relationship..but on a monthly basis...i have the chance to liaise with him on some customer's report..*grins* so there was this month when the report had undergone many changes...and there were many last minute changes...and when i actually sent the wrong report to the customer...he didnt grumble...but just said nicely to me..." hannah, i think you have sent out the wrong report..could you please send out again? thanks. " WAH...so nice where to find...if it's other bosses or managers, they would have said..." the wrong report has been sent out! please resend! please be more careful..it's very embarassing to send the wrong things to customer! " see the difference? *laughs* was so mesmerized sia....

then there was this time..he need to scan some important documents and so he asked for my help...and of course i willingly help him with all my might!! *laughs* however, the stupid machine on our floor was not working and so we had to go to another floor and sought help from another colleague...so there we were trying to help him..and all...and finally, we managed to scan his document...and then he said.." thanks ladies..." BUT guess what? half an hour later...both colleague and i recieved an email from him to thank us again!!! so nice right? MY BOTAK is the best sia!!! how many such appreciative people can you find in the world? and knowing the dog-eat-dog world out there...my botak is one of a kind!! in fact, most people agreed that he's very very sweet guy...*smilez*

am so in love with him....whenever i walked to the toilet...i would walk past his desk...to be exact i would walk past the desk which is next next next next next to him..in the vertical sense....*laughs* and i would DEFINITELY steal a peek at him...although most of the time i could only see his shining head...*laughs* then i would grin to myself...whenever he walked past my desk..my heart would skip a beat...but a short beat...whenever i need some help with excel...i will find excuses to ask him for help...*grins* and i told EVERYONE that guy is MY BOTAK!! *laughs*

by the way, my botak is not married and has no girlfriend...so one would ask...if age is not a problem..make him yours....BUT my botak is gay...*laughs*