F.R.I.E.N.D.S

does this only happen in dramas?

was sharing a cab with another colleague the other day. i like him. i prefer to call him my friend instead of colleague because i really like him. anyway, we were just chit-chatting. he asked me " so have you found any more new friends? " and i was like " eh, nope! how sad is that? but i think i have lost my zeal to make new friends. i just find it too tiring. sometimes, i just do things alone. can be lonely but anyhow, i'll get over the loneliness. " he then replied " i think you're spending too much time concentrating on friends at work. so you dont have time and energy to do it outside work. just my analysis "

now that really sets me thinking. am i just tired of making friends or am i just interested in making friends at work? to be honest, i have no idea at all. sometimes, i am really tired of making friends. i hate the whole process of going out and meeting new people and wonder if they will become my friends. i am no longer in high school where making friends is part and parcel of life. but again, to be honest, i do feel lonely at times in Hong Kong. because i have no friends, i got to stay at home and watch tv. not that i am grumbling but sometimes, i just want to be out but there's no one to go out with. but then again, i think i am really getting used to this sporadic loneliness.

at work, i wouldnt think my team-mates are my friends. yes we hang out at work and sometimes after work but mainly because there's business to be done. i dont mind hanging out with my team-mates or my boss but sometimes, i just dont want to see them again after sitting near them for 10 hours at work. maybe this is what tires me out. seeing the same people over and over again but yet not wanting to make an effort to meet new people. what a contradiction. i seriously have no idea the difference between friends, colleagues, good friends, best friends, acquaintances or whatsoever anymore. now i think my train of thoughts are all messed up. haha!

thinking back, when i was in SG, i usually spent my weekends at home too. although i have friends in SG. i mean most of my friends are in SG but i usually just spend it at home, nuahing and watching tv. so then again, maybe im just getting nuah. haha. actually to be honest, although i seems like an extrovert and can make friends easily, i am not really that extroverted. i prefer to think i am an introvert, forced to be an extrovert. i dont tihnk i make friends that easily because i dont really trust friendship. it's just that somehow, i am always conforming to the social perception of me being the friendly one. no idea how it all started. but honestly, i think i am not friendly, im just easygoing, too easygoing if you ask me. i want to change this but it's not easy. but i am trying. actually not really. haha!