it's really really really really really sad..to see someone close lying in a coffin..no matter how peaceful and comfortable that person seems...it's still very sad to be in that kind of situation...just attended my paternal granny's funeral...and i hope it's the last funeral i have to attend for a loved one but i know it's impossible....
uncle called on saturday morning...7am..i was the one answering the phone...was still complaining about the "idiot" who called so early..but when i picked up the phone and heard the news, i had no reactions..all i can say was "orh" and then guess what, i went back to sleep...*laughs* then at 730am, my dad called again and said the same thing...this time, it settled into my mind and i went to tell my mum...but somehow, i had not much feelings...not sad, not shocked..nothing....maybe because wasnt very close to her as she's always in malaysia and i'm in singapore...am so blardy heartless...dad was in china then, coming back on that very night...when i picked him up from the airport, he looked listless...on that very night, my parents and brothers drove in to malaysia...for me, i waited for my uncle till tuesday night...
when i arrived in malacca, my granny's house..her coffin was placed in the main hall...offered some incense to her...and went in to take a look at her...she looked pretty, peaceful and comfortable...but frankly speaking, at that very moment, i was so afraid that she would open her eyes...*laughs* the picture she had before the coffin was really pretty..she was smiling and looked happy...and there were flowers around her picture...she had told us that she wanted flowers...so that she would look pretty...*smilez* so cute right?? then went around greeting all my uncles and aunties...after which i sat by the coffin and started to burn incense paper...as i burnt i started to cry...dont ask me why...maybe it's the smoke, but at that very moment...suddenly i realized, my granny would not respond to me anymore..she would not walk anymore..i cant say "gong xi fa cai" to her anymore...she's gone...just like that..the very last time i saw her was during chinese new year...she looked fine to me...could even chat with us in the kitchen...went to the kitchen where she's always there...saw the chair she always sit in...went into the room she used to sleep...and she's no longer there...the more i burnt, the harder i cried...i could even imagine her calling me..i could hear her voice calling my name...but i know it's just my imagination because she would never call me anymore...my auntie came over and asked if i had taken a look at granny..and i said yes..and then she asked :"Do you miss her?" i could only answer her with my tears...oh, something interesting occur when i was burning the incense paper...as i was just burning...suddenly i could hear a "gong" sound..it was very loud, even my mum and auntie could hear..and they asked if i knocked against something but i didnt...then after a while, we heard the "gong" sound again!!! and i think it's coming from the urn which i was burning the paper...my auntie took a look around the coffin and found nothing unusual..and my mum commented that my granny acknowledged my presence and my auntie commented that she's happy that i'm burning the incense paper for her...these comments brought more tears from me....
it was really interesting...in malaysia, they do not actually remove all the water of the corpse and inject embalment liquid...they actually refrigerate the coffin to preserve the body...and so my granny's tummy was actually bloated...and every now and then, we would have to wipe the glass as it would be misted as water vapor condense on the cool surface...also, normally, all the "necessary stuff" will be put into the coffin and it will be sealed but over there, they actually sort of like open the coffin again to put the "necessary stuff" before the coffin was officially closed and sealed...but luckily, there was no ordour...
the next day, we had the rituals...not sure what we were doing..just following instructions from this man who passed joss sticks to us and asked us to kneel, stand, pray, walk around...*laughs* and dont konw why, the smoke from the joss sticks was so strong that my eyes were so painful...and it seemed to only affect me...i was wearing blue and was wearing the "hat"...so hot!!! most of the time, my dad and uncle was "leading" the pack as they are the sons...we grandchildren just followed around...very tiring and boring...*shrugs* after the rituals, it's time to seal the coffin...we all took our turns to take one last look at granny..everyone cried non-stop...and my aunties were bawling...it's really really really really really sad...before i even looked at my granny..i already started tearing..that would really be the last time i see her...i took one last look at her..and i said in my heart.."ah ma...bye bye"...then we all started to cry while some rituals were going on...and we just cried and cried and cried...the tears seemed to flow non-stop!!!
then it's time for the coffin to leave the house..at that moment..all of us had to kneel on one side..and we were not allowed to see the movement of the coffin out of the house...apparently, according to customs, when the coffin moved, the sould might moved along with it..and if the soul saw the family members crying, it would just refused to leave...but very funnily, everytime the coffin moved, we are not allow to see..which i really dont understand why...but then again, i just followed..better to be safe than sorry...the coffin was put into the van and we even took a picture!! really hope i would get to see the picture...then we walked behind the van for a short distance...everyone was just crying....oh, actaully, all of us were wearing slippers and we had to wear socks OVER the slippers...very interesting...
my granny was to be buried and not cremated...guess there more than enough land in malaysia...apparently her grave is just 2 graves away from my grandpa...we reached the cemetery...and once again, was not allowed to see the coffin being carried to the grave...then we walked to the grave...the priest said some things..then we offer more joss sticks...then we were asked to throw some soil into the hole to signify the end of the burial and we were told to leave...i find it quite weird...arent we suppose to at least see that the coffin is fully buried??? and before we leave the cemetery, we had to take out the socks and throw it away...then when we reached home...we had to form a circle around a stack of paper money..and made lots of noise while it's burning...apparently, this is to prevent "others" from stealing the money from our granny...and so we hit planks of metal with wooden sticks...it was so tiring...we were there for like 1 hour plus..as the paper money was so thick and high...and i was suggesting to use recording next time..record sounds of metal hitting and just played it via some hi-fi...and we could all just sit around....*laughs*
i asked around for my granny's last moments...well, she was in hospital for the past few weeks...for an operations on her colon..apparently she had colon cancer..but the doctors initially diagnosed that her kidneys were failing but they were in fact strong...stupid doctors..anyway, she told one of my aunties that during her stay in the hospital, she kept seeing images of gardens and children...actually, she passed away on 01 Apr 06 at 245am...she just got discharged from the hospital that afternoon..and she was all fine...and then at around 10 plus..she said she's tired and wanted to go to bed..and then suddenly she had difficulties breathing...and so my aunties and cousins who were in malaysia rushed to her house..and kept calling her..but she didnt open her eyes...and then they asked her if she's waiting for my uncle who's in china with my dad..and she actually cried...my uncle's her favorite son...then when my cousin called her..she cried..and before she actually passed away, she opened her eyes slightly and then she's gone...and my cousin told me..minutes before my granny stopped breathing, she saw white images floating into the room....i guess they were angels...to bring my granny to heaven...*smilez*
before i left for singapore...i went to offer joss sticks to her picture which was still in the main hall and again, i said..."ah ma, bye bye"...and tears rolled down my cheeks again...
uncle called on saturday morning...7am..i was the one answering the phone...was still complaining about the "idiot" who called so early..but when i picked up the phone and heard the news, i had no reactions..all i can say was "orh" and then guess what, i went back to sleep...*laughs* then at 730am, my dad called again and said the same thing...this time, it settled into my mind and i went to tell my mum...but somehow, i had not much feelings...not sad, not shocked..nothing....maybe because wasnt very close to her as she's always in malaysia and i'm in singapore...am so blardy heartless...dad was in china then, coming back on that very night...when i picked him up from the airport, he looked listless...on that very night, my parents and brothers drove in to malaysia...for me, i waited for my uncle till tuesday night...
when i arrived in malacca, my granny's house..her coffin was placed in the main hall...offered some incense to her...and went in to take a look at her...she looked pretty, peaceful and comfortable...but frankly speaking, at that very moment, i was so afraid that she would open her eyes...*laughs* the picture she had before the coffin was really pretty..she was smiling and looked happy...and there were flowers around her picture...she had told us that she wanted flowers...so that she would look pretty...*smilez* so cute right?? then went around greeting all my uncles and aunties...after which i sat by the coffin and started to burn incense paper...as i burnt i started to cry...dont ask me why...maybe it's the smoke, but at that very moment...suddenly i realized, my granny would not respond to me anymore..she would not walk anymore..i cant say "gong xi fa cai" to her anymore...she's gone...just like that..the very last time i saw her was during chinese new year...she looked fine to me...could even chat with us in the kitchen...went to the kitchen where she's always there...saw the chair she always sit in...went into the room she used to sleep...and she's no longer there...the more i burnt, the harder i cried...i could even imagine her calling me..i could hear her voice calling my name...but i know it's just my imagination because she would never call me anymore...my auntie came over and asked if i had taken a look at granny..and i said yes..and then she asked :"Do you miss her?" i could only answer her with my tears...oh, something interesting occur when i was burning the incense paper...as i was just burning...suddenly i could hear a "gong" sound..it was very loud, even my mum and auntie could hear..and they asked if i knocked against something but i didnt...then after a while, we heard the "gong" sound again!!! and i think it's coming from the urn which i was burning the paper...my auntie took a look around the coffin and found nothing unusual..and my mum commented that my granny acknowledged my presence and my auntie commented that she's happy that i'm burning the incense paper for her...these comments brought more tears from me....
it was really interesting...in malaysia, they do not actually remove all the water of the corpse and inject embalment liquid...they actually refrigerate the coffin to preserve the body...and so my granny's tummy was actually bloated...and every now and then, we would have to wipe the glass as it would be misted as water vapor condense on the cool surface...also, normally, all the "necessary stuff" will be put into the coffin and it will be sealed but over there, they actually sort of like open the coffin again to put the "necessary stuff" before the coffin was officially closed and sealed...but luckily, there was no ordour...
the next day, we had the rituals...not sure what we were doing..just following instructions from this man who passed joss sticks to us and asked us to kneel, stand, pray, walk around...*laughs* and dont konw why, the smoke from the joss sticks was so strong that my eyes were so painful...and it seemed to only affect me...i was wearing blue and was wearing the "hat"...so hot!!! most of the time, my dad and uncle was "leading" the pack as they are the sons...we grandchildren just followed around...very tiring and boring...*shrugs* after the rituals, it's time to seal the coffin...we all took our turns to take one last look at granny..everyone cried non-stop...and my aunties were bawling...it's really really really really really sad...before i even looked at my granny..i already started tearing..that would really be the last time i see her...i took one last look at her..and i said in my heart.."ah ma...bye bye"...then we all started to cry while some rituals were going on...and we just cried and cried and cried...the tears seemed to flow non-stop!!!
then it's time for the coffin to leave the house..at that moment..all of us had to kneel on one side..and we were not allowed to see the movement of the coffin out of the house...apparently, according to customs, when the coffin moved, the sould might moved along with it..and if the soul saw the family members crying, it would just refused to leave...but very funnily, everytime the coffin moved, we are not allow to see..which i really dont understand why...but then again, i just followed..better to be safe than sorry...the coffin was put into the van and we even took a picture!! really hope i would get to see the picture...then we walked behind the van for a short distance...everyone was just crying....oh, actaully, all of us were wearing slippers and we had to wear socks OVER the slippers...very interesting...
my granny was to be buried and not cremated...guess there more than enough land in malaysia...apparently her grave is just 2 graves away from my grandpa...we reached the cemetery...and once again, was not allowed to see the coffin being carried to the grave...then we walked to the grave...the priest said some things..then we offer more joss sticks...then we were asked to throw some soil into the hole to signify the end of the burial and we were told to leave...i find it quite weird...arent we suppose to at least see that the coffin is fully buried??? and before we leave the cemetery, we had to take out the socks and throw it away...then when we reached home...we had to form a circle around a stack of paper money..and made lots of noise while it's burning...apparently, this is to prevent "others" from stealing the money from our granny...and so we hit planks of metal with wooden sticks...it was so tiring...we were there for like 1 hour plus..as the paper money was so thick and high...and i was suggesting to use recording next time..record sounds of metal hitting and just played it via some hi-fi...and we could all just sit around....*laughs*
i asked around for my granny's last moments...well, she was in hospital for the past few weeks...for an operations on her colon..apparently she had colon cancer..but the doctors initially diagnosed that her kidneys were failing but they were in fact strong...stupid doctors..anyway, she told one of my aunties that during her stay in the hospital, she kept seeing images of gardens and children...actually, she passed away on 01 Apr 06 at 245am...she just got discharged from the hospital that afternoon..and she was all fine...and then at around 10 plus..she said she's tired and wanted to go to bed..and then suddenly she had difficulties breathing...and so my aunties and cousins who were in malaysia rushed to her house..and kept calling her..but she didnt open her eyes...and then they asked her if she's waiting for my uncle who's in china with my dad..and she actually cried...my uncle's her favorite son...then when my cousin called her..she cried..and before she actually passed away, she opened her eyes slightly and then she's gone...and my cousin told me..minutes before my granny stopped breathing, she saw white images floating into the room....i guess they were angels...to bring my granny to heaven...*smilez*
before i left for singapore...i went to offer joss sticks to her picture which was still in the main hall and again, i said..."ah ma, bye bye"...and tears rolled down my cheeks again...
4 comments:
hi hannah, i was in the exact same situation years back, sad but time will heal all things. I hate attending funerals too.. strange sense of quietness.. =)
oh, hannah... i'm so sorry *BIG HUG*
Hmm... I haven't attended a funeral of a close one yet, but I guess this is kinda inevitable. Hope that you're feeling better now, not too sure what to say too.
~zhixiang
amy: yeah, time will heal..it's much better now...thanks!
lampchop: returns *BIG HUG* thanks so much!!
zhixiang: no need to say anything sia...i'm a-ok now! thanks a lot :D
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