crying

it's been a week since i have come back from Hong Kong. there are some thoughts running throught my head and all but somehow but yet they dont seems to exist at all. it's like as much as i am looking forward to my new life in Hong Kong, i am missing my usual life in Singapore. as much as i would love the independence and exposure and experience Hong Kong can give me, i am missing my family, friends and everything here already when i am still physically in Singapore.

this is really weird. because all along, i have been yearning to live and work overseas and be totally on my own. and i have always been proud of myself for being able to be alone. but now, it seems that i am not as "strong" as i thought i am. there have been conversation exchanged with my family and friends that have made my eyes brim with tears. especially when the replies that i've gotten are sooooo sincere and thoughtful.

for example, yesterday i was just jokingly asking my youngest brother: " are you going to miss me? " i was expecting answers like " no lah, i can have my own room now." (we're kinda sharing a room now haha) or " remember to give me money before you go ah ". instead this is what he said: " okay lah, a bit. when you're there, you send me a picture of you every month okay? then i know if you have grown fatter or not. " when i heard this reply, tears just flowed from my eyes and i was telling myself: I DONT WANT TO GO HK ALREADY!! and when my grandma asked me to go to her house so that she can cook dishes that i love to eat, i was really really touched. and when i saw how my mum fussed over the things that she want me to bring over so that i can settle down nicely, i felt soooo much love. and when friends tell me that they will miss me and ask me to meet up for lunch or hang out, i seriously am thinking: how can i leave all these behind just like that????? some friends have also mentioned that they want to send me off on 10/19. i am really not willing to let them come at all because i dont want to cry on that day. i can foresee myself getting all emo and drama when i see my family and friends asking me to take care and etc etc etc. sigh. when did i become so "weak" ?

seriously, now i realize it's not that easy to just drop whatever you have at home and just unplucked and move. although it may seems easy physically but emotionally, there will be difficulties. but anyhow, i see this as a good oppotunity to learn and grow up and i have promised myself that i will not cry on the day that people send me off. i want them to remember the smiley hannah and not the sobbish hannah. but then again, what if i cannot control? haha aiyah. tough tough tough.

only 1 week left. i have taken time off to spend more time at home but it seems that im still going out almost every day to meet up with friends. mmm, didnt know im so popular. haha! i guess i am not as lonely as i thought i was. sighz. i really need to control my tears. MUST CONTROL TEARS!