Am I selfish and jaded?

i am sure the Manila hostage drama is all over the headlines yesterday and today. i am sure everyone is discussing about how inefficient and useless the Manila's police force and how sad are the hostages who lost their families. there are news reports on how the hong kong government is pressuring the philippines government to explain the course of actions and etc etc. there are also footages of crying victims who have lost their families or who have been the ordeal and are still dealing with it.

my friend was telling me and updating me about how sad it was. there was this girl who lost her parents. another woman lost her husband because her husband protected her from the shots. then this lady thought to live on as she had 2 children. but apparently the 2 children did not survive. he was telling me that is so crazily sad to lose the entire family in one day. and if it's him, he would just die along with them.

funnily, on my side. i dont really care. i dont know why. maybe because im not from hong kong? but still that's not a good reason. i really do not feel much for the girl who lost her parents or for the lady who lost her entire family. i dont feel sad. neither do i feel sympathetic towards them. to me, i think it's just life. one will never know what's going to happen. so if one is alive, one should live life to the fullness. i know it's devastating to lose the entire family and parents if you're a kid. maybe because it's not my family so i dont feel much. i really have no idea. it's just doesnt touch my heart at all. i feel NOTHING.

in fact, everyday, i have been mentally preparing myself for the passing away of my family members. the first one would be my beloved grandmother. everytime i think about or imagine that fateful day, i would tear. but i know it's inevitable and so i hope she is always happy and gets what she wants. my grandmother is a good lady and she is very strong and a survivor. then i will think about my parents, my brothers, my uncles, my aunties, my friends. i should go before my cousins. hahaha. i have no idea why but im always preparng myself for those fateful days. yes i will be devastated and sad and mourn but i want to be able to move on as well. i dont want to be in that depression mode forever. maybe i am just selfish. maybe i only care about myself. or maybe my defense mechanism is so high that im trying to make myself believe that i dont really care so that i wont feel the pain when it happens.

and guess what's weird? i have never been hurt deeply by anyone or anything before. not that i can remember or think it's that hurtful. so i have no idea why i am so defensive. maybe it's just me. maybe i am just practical. or maybe i am so emotional that i became practical. or maybe i am being incepted. haha.

oh well, my condolences to mankind.

NDP 2010: Live our Dreams, Fly our Flag

Today is Singapore's birthday. Singapore is 45 years old today. so young!!! and this is the first time im watching the NDP on webcast. actually i cannot remember last year if im in Singapore during national day. I think i am. anyway, it's quite shioks to watch it on webcast. feel so patriotic. haha! 

anyway, on a side note, i rushed home after work to watch the webcast. so i took a cab. then when i told the cab driver where im going. he got pissed because it's very near. then throughout the whole journey, he kept nagging nagging and nagging. saying things like " such a big girl, dont know how to go home. must take cab and waste money. " warrau. what's wrong with him? argh. hong kong taxi drivers need to learn to be more polite loh. this is absurd

anyway back to the parade. so when i switched it on after downloading all the necessary stuffs, the march-in was done. ARGH. i want to watch them marching in. so annoying. but then it's fine. anyway, i love the mobile column. all the army tanks and vehicles and all the army captains - SO COOL SIA! they all look very very shuai and nice. actually i wonder if they can really protect our country. haha oops. but i guess with all the weapons and vehicles and all the machines, should be can lah. i always thought the navy speedboat is blue and white but it's actually green. why ah? sea is always deemed to be blue and not green. so weird. and there's something that has a washing machine. i thought it's really quite interesting. if i marry an army captain, i dont want the sword of honor. i want my entourage of army tanks! wonder if it's air-conditioned with cushions in the tanks. if not, i want to marry a pilot who flies the fighter jets. so suave. again, no sword of honors. i want to fly in one of those thing. but i guess i might just vomit. haha. or i can marry a naval diver and according to the commentators, our naval divers are one of the best IN THE WORLD. i wonder how they judge how good a naval diver is.

there are some new singers that i've never heard of or seen. a bit the CMI though. but it was amazing when it ended with Kit Chan singing " HOME". this is my favorite song and Kit Chan is my favorite local artiste. whenever she sings this song, it always make me teary and miss home. *sob sob* also, the formations were pretty pretty. and there were many fireworks. i guess because Singapore's GDP is growing at 15% so a lot of $$$ to have fireworks everywhere. hahaha. oh and watching all those performers dancing and running around the padang made me think about the time when i was a participant as well. i was the cheerleader for the pre-parade show. so fun. it was in 1998. omg. 12 years ago. omg, im getting old. omg. omg. omg. also, i thought the MP who played with the guns looked like bugs and some of them carry light sabers. haha.

uncle lee is still VERY STRONG. he is almost twice the age of Singapore! uncle goh also got older but still look strong. and i feel a bit paiseh that i dont know our ministers. haha. i only know uncle lee, uncle goh, pm lee, and teo chee hien. haha the rest, no idea. but i know they are ministers lah. just not very sure of their names and positions. quite bad. i think i fail my national education. heng i am no longer a student if not quite jialatz. haha. can die. 

oh and the saying of the pledge at 20:10 because it's 2010 is quite lame lah. haha cannot believe the organizers can get so lame. but then again, it's quite cool also. although i didnt stand up and say the pledge out loud, but i did recite it in my heart and sing the national anthem in my heart. actually the only day that i sing the national anthem is 09 August. haha. and i realized that all the new songs all CMI lah. it's always the old songs that are catchy and people dont stop singing. songs like " stand up for singapore", "count on me singapore", "one people,one nation, one singapore", "we are singapore". these songs have been around since i was a kid and they are still being used right now amazing. wonder who wrote these songs. so talented. now all the new songs, after national day, all forget. some couldnt even make people remember. 

oh well, happy birthday Singapore!

I wonder WHY...

recently, i have 3 WHYS...

WHY is E! channel showing Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and Kristen Stewart every other half hour just because "Eclipse" is showing in the cinemas? Are there really sooooo many things to talk about them? I didnt watch E! now because im seeing these 3 persons every other 15 mins. it's soooo annoying and they keep repeating the same stories and comments in different versions of THS. argh.

WHY do movie characters always look so good even if they just got out of bed and need to change immediately? i was watching "Valentine's Day" on the plane the other day. (it was such a boring and lame movie. i thought i would be touched, like "Love Actually" but no. i was bored to the max) anyway, there was a scene when Anne Hathaway need to get out of bed and rush to work immediately. in one minute, she was dressed and her hair and make-up was perfect. i wish i can be like that so that i can sleep longer. hee hee.

WHY are the soccer matches in the wee hours? why cant it be like 10pm our time? why must it be like 230am our time? so unfair. we always have to suffer. why? just because we're asians and not as superior? well, it was held in Korea and Japan once and it's in the afternoon. BUT we dont have free website to view the matches online. when i was in NY, every screen has a small window that is showing free online matches. so unfair. i think Singapore should aim to co-host the world cup with Malaysia and stop dreaming about being in the world cup, never going to happen. haha!

I LOVE SATC2!!!

okay i know im very late. most girls would have caught the movie as soon as it's released. for me, there are 2 reasons why i watched it late. one, it is sooo expensive to catch a movie in hk and im not sure if i want to spend that $$$. the movie ticket cost HKD 80 which is like SGD 15 for a NORMAL MOVIE. two, i dont have any movie khakis in hk. then the other day, was talking to a colleague and we both wanted to watch this movie but were not able to find anyone to go with and so we decided to watch it togets last night. and although the movie has been screening for almost 2 months, the cinema is still full. amazing. maybe many of those girls are back for their 2nd time. *shrugs*.

anyway, although reviews from friends and everywhere says this movie is OTT and tried too hard, i thought it was quite funny. I LOVE SAMANTHA! she's amazing and she's so funny. i laughed soooo hard when she was singing to the handsome stranger at the abu dhabi bar. i mean seriously, Samantha is my idol. she's everything i want to be. she's funny, she's sexy, she's rich, she's good at PR, she's an amazing friend and she's good with guys. she is my favorite. i always love it when she doesn't judge, always think about her friends, always so supportive. when she was being offered a free trip to abu dhabi for free, she never forgets her 4 best gals. and during the moment when she rejected the handsome stranger saying that it was the girls' night out and she had to stick with the girls and suggested the date the next day, i wish i had a friend like her.

i love Miranda's hair too. sooo nice. and in this movie, her clothes are pretty pretty. she's wearing a lot of jumper and i think those are amazing. i love them. and i also loved Miranda's capability. i wish i am her too. and to be honest, i love Carrie's and Big's house. it's sooo big and nice. but i dont understand why Carrie has to wear super high heels at home. HAHA.

well, it's true the movie has no storyline and it's a little bit unrealistic but hey, it's SATC. and for the first time, i actually noticed the clothes that the 4 characters wore and i kinda like some of them.

this dress, clutch, shoes, shades, hair, everything is A M A Z I N G. i love this look the most. it's sooo pretty and so chic and so everything.

this purplish-blueish dress is also quite pretty. i love such dresses. flowy and nice. it looks sooooo comfortable.

this is sooo funny. i really think it's a good way to show the contrast. but to be honest, Charlotte looks pretty much the same. hee hee. but the shoes are much better.

i really like what all of them wore here. it's soo pretty and so nice. but it's a little bit too nice for them to wear it in the desert. but then again, it's SATC. anything can happen. hahaha

again, i love everything that the 4 of them are wearing. these dresses, shoes and bags are soooo them. very very pretty. i wish i have 3 other friends and we can dress up and go shopping at 5th ave. hee hee. maybe we can do it singaporean style. shop at orchard road.

see, Miranda's hair is soooo nice. i wish i can have such hairstyle. i really want to do this but everyone told me not to cut my hair. but i really really really really like this hairstyle. and i love this look of Miranda. she's sooo pretty here.

i also love this dress of Samantha. it's very pretty and i love all the accessories and also the hair. not the bag though. hee hee.

i really really really love all the outfits here except for Charlotte's. I really really really really love Miranda's jumper. it's A M A Z I N G. i want something like that!! and i loooooove this poster!!!!

What to wear in Spain?

i am uber excited because i am going on a holiday soon. with all the changes ( good and bad ) happening at work, i seriously need this break. although there are some hiccups ( because the friend whom im supposed to stay with in London will not be around and another friend may not be around ), but i am sorting them out, i think. haha. but anyhow, i am really seriously looking forward to the holiday. hopefully i can meet the man of my dreams too. hahaha. 

well, as it will be super hot in Madrid and Barcelona, my friends and i was planning to bring shorts and t-shirts and slippers. we just want to make sure we are as comfy as we can be as the weather will be super hot. BUT, after speaking with 2 friends who have been to Spain, they told me: " CANNOT WEAR SLOPPILY ". i guess no shorts and t-shirts except when i go to the beach. so i have decided to pack nice clothes. hee hee. and i hope to look like this:

  

but i dont think i will wear the boots because I DONT HAVE and it's WAY TOO HOT. haha. but everything else seems nice. and i think im going to pack a scarf in as i want to look like this as well:

but i really dont know why people want to use scarf when it's soo hot but it's really cool and looks really nice and so im going to bring one and try it on but if it's too hot, i think i will ditch that idea. haha. for me comfy is MORE important than anything else. and i know the maxi dress is the latest trend but i was not able to get any nice ones in HK or NY. and so i hope i can get some from Spain and wear it there. so that i can look like this:

but then i really dont think i will look good in maxi dresses. maybe this is easier to pull off:

i think this is very casual, very pretty and very comfy. but if i were to wear this during holidaying, i would swap the heels with a pair of sandals. haha i am so not a heels-person when im casual. i only wear heels when i go to work or when i go partying. haha. but i do have quite a bit of heels. i dont know why. maybe i should aim to look like this instead:

aiyah, so difficult to pack!!!! maybe i should just pack 1 dress and go Spain and buy everything. hee hee.

Great Depression

i have no idea why. i am feeling SUPER down. so down that i just want to hibernate and do nothing. i am in one of those moods again. i have only negative feelings. nothing is cheering me up. not even my Spain trip. perhaps the only thing that can cheer me up is that i won 1 million dollars in a lottery and i can quit and travel around the world. or to be more realistic, i found a better job.

i didnt know a person can change so much in my life, in the way i look at myself, my job, my life. i didnt know a person can have such a huge effect on me that i basically went from one end to the other. i didnt know that one person can let me see how good i am. i didnt know that one person can make me hate my job so much that i find my job a chore. there's a lot of things i didnt know until now.

i know change is the only constant. i know i should embrace changes. i know all these and i know this is how i should be. i remembered that in london, my friend's mum did tarot card reading for me and said that there will be a change in my career this year and i am dreading that change but i will embrace it. well, the first half is right. second half, i dont see it happening. i dont like the change. i disagree with the change. this change makes me realize how much i hate my job and company. i need a new job. DESPERATELY and NOW.

why? why would a person promote another just because that dude is kinda cute, carries her shopping bags and possibly gave her orgasm. this is so not right. shouldnt we be rewarded based on our competencies and merits. fine maybe the dude's competencies and merits is that he's willing to be a dog. then get a dog. a dog is much better. i wish im a dog. a dog doesnt have to worry about such lame stuffs. i dont have to worry about me being underpaid. i dont have to worry about people complaining about lame stuffs to me and expect me to do something about it.

oh well, i guess life is unfair. i dont even know why i wrote this. dont worry. this is not my will. i am not committing suicide. im too gutless to do that.

Why I like Glee

my new found love - GLEE. haha actually i dont really like it but it's quite lame and corny and so i thought it's quite nice. and besides, there are quite a number of eye-candies in the show. and i dont mean just the guys. some of the girls are pretty hot too. there are a few interesting things that i notice about this show.

if any of the characters are in the cheerleading group aka cheerios, they have to wear the cheerleading uniform wherever they appear. they have NO OTHER clothes. i think it's pretty sad. i mean being a cheerleader would mean that they are slim and fit and popular but they can only wear the cheerleader uniform? that's quite sad.

these are the 3 main cheerleaders in the show. although they are in the glee club, they are always wearing this uniform. it's quite boring and sad. i mean seriously, the black girl on the right has such GOOD BODY. i would love to see her in some sexy dresses or some nice jeans. and when other characters join the cheerios, they have to be in this ugly uniform as well.

this guy is a gay in the show ( and a gay in real-life ). he's always dressed nicely with nice hair. but the moment he's part of the cheerios, he has to wear this ugly uniform. seriously, if the producers is trying to use the clothes as a form of indication that these characters are cheerleaders, at least the uniform should be nicer and i think people who are fans or avid followers of the show will know who are the cheerleaders.

another funny thing is the storyline. right at the beginning of the show, during the first or second episode ( i cant really remember ), the story goes by that glee teacher wants to quit. i mean seriously. the show is called "GLEE" and obviously the teacher who is going to run and inspire the Glee kids is NOT going anywhere in the show. if he quits, that's like the end of the show. it's PRETTY LAME. hahaha. but on another note, matthew morrison is quite a charming man.

apparently he was singing on broadway in "hairspray". haha cant imagine him as "Linc" as Zac Efron was "Linc" too.

anyway, i really really really really really really really hate the main lead. she is super duper annoying. she is so annoying that although her voice is really good, i hate her! she is super annoying and i dont understand why would any guys be interested in her. she reminds me of  a colleague who is always trying to be smart and friendly but is actually super lame. but that colleague of mine looked like "ugly betty". I am NOT kidding. she really is like "ugly betty" hahaha. even betty is prettier. anyway, the main lead is not that ugly but i think the pregnant cheerleader is much much better.

pretty pretty right? im actually quite jealous and wish im as pretty or rather i have been more diligent in my diet and losing weight plans and have looked like that when i was in high school. sigh. i guess i kinda like Glee because it's like HSM. it has pretty boys and girls, with some lame storyline but inspiring moments where the boys and girls always break out into songs SUDDENLY. haha. which is pretty lame. imagine walking down the school hallway and then suddenly, this girl started out singing and dancing in front of you. if this happened in real-life, i would have burst out laughing. HAHAHA.

well, the main male lead is actually this guy:

to be honest, i dont think he's cute. i dont like it when he sings and dance. kinda dorky but then kinda cute. hahahaha. anyway, he's not that young. he's like 28 this year but he's acting as 18 or 17. but he does look young. anyway, i dont think he's cute. now, this is my guy:

Isnt he CUTE??? his looks and height are just PERFECT FOR ME. sigh. if only i can find someone in real-life. i mean seriously, he is sooooooooo cute. and not to forget, he's oh-so-sexy. slurrrp. i really really like this guy. everything about him. even his character in the show, my favorite. the bad boy who is actually good. i guess i am always into this kind of guys. he looks a bit like robbie williams ya? *giggles*